Bereaved bodies

Grief shows up in the body too.

After a traumatic or sudden death, many people notice that their bodies no longer feel the way they used to.

You may feel on edge or unable to relax.
You may feel exhausted but wired.
You may feel numb, shut down, or far away from yourself and others.

These reactions are common after profound loss. They are not signs that something is wrong with you.

Grief affects the whole body.

Many people notice changes in their bodies: difficulty sleeping, a racing heart, tightness in the chest, numbness, or feeling constantly on edge. These experiences can be confusing or frightening, but they are common responses of the nervous system to profound loss.

Our nervous system is designed to protect us. In the wake of grief, it may remain in a heightened state of alert, and this is very hard; however, this does not mean something is wrong with you. Rather, it means your body is responding to heartbreak.

Here are some gentle somatic practices that support nervous system regulation. They are not meant to erase grief or force calm. They are ways of offering the body small moments of safety and rest, alongside the ongoing work of mourning.

Dr. Jo's Rooting Practice

This short practice is not meant to take grief away. It is meant to offer your nervous system a brief moment of rest inside grief, rooting yourself to the present moment and helping bring a sense of calm.

A 5-Minute Rooting Practice

1. Get oriented (30 seconds)
Sit upright with support or recline slightly. Let your feet rest on the floor. Soften your jaw and shoulders if you can. You might quietly say to yourself: “I’m here. It’s today. I’m safe enough right now.”

2. Breathe slowly with a longer exhale (3–4 minutes)
Inhale gently for 4 seconds. Exhale gently for 6 seconds. There is no need to breathe deeply or force anything. If counting feels stressful, simply think: in… out… longer.

3. Optional: add a soft sound (30–60 seconds)
On the exhale, you may quietly hum or make a soft “mmm” sound. Keep it gentle and unforced. If sound doesn’t feel right, skip this step.

4. Re-enter the room (30 seconds)
Gently notice a few things you can see, where your body is supported, and one sound in the room. This helps the body register that this moment is not the moment of the loss.

A Gentle Reminder

This practice will not fix grief. But your body deserves moments of rest inside grief. Even brief pauses can matter.

The nervous system

The vagus nerve is one of the primary pathways through which the body regulates safety, connection, and integration. It helps slow the heart, support breathing and digestion, and signal when it is possible to rest. In the aftermath of bereavement, this system may be less accessible, not because something is broken, but because the body has learned that the world is no longer safe in the way it once was.

Understanding the role of the vagus nerve in grief can be quietly relieving.

It helps us see that many of the bodily experiences of mourning are protective, even if hard to adapt to, but they are not necessarily pathological.

Gentle practices that support vagal regulation are not meant to fix grief or make it go away. Rather, they offer the body brief moments of safety and steadiness, allowing grief to be carried with a little more tenderness.

While there is much in science we haven't yet learned about the nervous system in bereavement, vagus nerve stimulation (VNS) seems to be effective as an aid for intense psychological stress (Krahl, Senanayake, Pekary, & Sattin, 2004), to improve cognition, memory, and learning (Sanders, Weiss, Hogewood, et al, 2019), and to aid with some physical ailments such as obesity and inflammatory responses (Roslin & Kurian, 2001; Howland, 2014; Porges, 2011). Enhanced vagal tone may help us cope with the intense emotional and physical distress of traumatic grief. It will not (and should not) eradicate grief.

In bereavement care, our task is not to calm grief, contain it, manage it, or rush it. Our task is to listen, to the emotions and to the body as much as to the story, and to create conditions where sorrow can be held with compassion, dignity, and presence.

Dr. Jo's vagal tonation practices

1. Hike, or walk, barefooted. Though the science around this remains scant, some studies as well as anecdotal data suggest that the stimulation of nerve endings in the feet (Wang, Ling, Liu et al, 2007) affect vagal nerve variability (Chevalier & Sinatra, 2007). Walk on stones, sand, grass, dirt, avoiding stickers, glass, and insects.

2. Get cold. Cold exposure calms the sympathetic nervous system (flight, fight, freeze, feast, fawn) and activates the cholinergic neuronal activity via the vagus nerve. Make the final 30 seconds of your shower very cold or fill the sink with ice water and submerge your face in it for 10 seconds several times. Notice how it feels.

3. Pranayama. Slow your breaths, inhaling and exhaling through the nose, to 6 breaths a minute. Fully inhale, then take an extra sip or two of air at the top. Then, fully exhale, pushing all the air out of your lungs completely. Or, if you are able, play a wind instrument. If those don’t work, try crying with intention, noticing your staccato breath.

4. Chant. The vagus nerve connects to the muscles in your throat. Rhythmic chanting, and other prosodic vocalization, activates the vagus nerve (Borg & Counter, 1989).

5. Sing. For the same reasons above, sing, hum, or gargle.

6. Take supplements that support the vagus nerve. Lactobacillus rhamnosus or bifidobacterium longum: These are two probiotics that aids in gut health through bacteria which, in turn, affects the vagus nerve. Omega 3s (vegan preferred) help increase parasympathetic nervous system dominance. Try Nextrino Double Strength.

7. Move your body. Exercise should include some cardiovascular, some weight bearing movement, stretching/yoga, and walking. Jivamukti yoga (and other practices) provides essential stimulation to peripheral baroreceptors that regulate blood pressure (Street, Gerbarg, Saper, et al, 2012; Sovik, 2000). Check with your doctor to ensure your routine is safe for you. Be sure to include head tilts, varying sides, for 20-30 seconds each, 4-5 times.

8. Acupuncture/acumats. Acupuncture mediates inflammatory responses via the vagus nerve (Lim, Kim, Lee, & Namgung, 2016; Noguchi, 2010; He, Wang, Shi et al, 2012). Lay bare backed at first for 3-4 mins. Your capacity to stay with the discomfort of the acumat will increase over time. You can stand on them and move them around your body. They may help relieve physical pain as well.